Unamed Diablo Adventure
by morbidxbean
Summary: My first and probably only fan fiction. Take 3 brothers of evil who want to take over the world and a small group of people who want to try and stop them, put them together with some comedy and gore and you get this fan fiction. This will make you laugh.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

**Disaster Strikes**

Once long ago there was a town called Tristram. It was a happy town; all the people there know each other because it was such a small town. The people were named Griswold the towns blacksmith, Wirt, a "nice" little boy with a peg leg, Louis the towns drunk, Akara, the towns magic store owner, Bill, the towns healer, Decard Cain, the old man of the town, Nester, the towns hero, Chester, Nesters brother and the towns dumbass, and there was a tourist which was named Joe. The tourist seemed kind of weird, He wore a robe and had the hood over his face so you couldn't see and he didn't speak much either and when he did it sounded as if he was trying to sound nice. Cain had the whole town meet this strange man. So they all met him. But when Wirt met him he led the stranger to his little store (BIG mistake). "Would you like to buy an item mister?" Wirt asked, Joe said nothing, Wirt said "did you hear me mister?" Joe said nothing and continued to stare at the little boy. Then Wirt make a turn to the bad side and said "fine you deaf piece of shit get the fuck out of my store now!" Then Joe approached with and with a deep evil growling voice Joe said "you really got guts boy" as he remove the hood off his head and Wirt squealed as loud as he could. The face of Joe revealed Diablo the lord of terror. Then Diablo picked up Wirt by the neck and said "I can fix that peg leg of yours" and he just tore off the peg leg as it made a loud ripping noise. Wirt started crying. Diablo threw Wirt on the ground and started sharpening the peg leg making it into a some what short spear. Wirt asked "who are you and what do you want!" in a very whiney voice. Diablo said nothing and continued to sharpen the wooden leg. Wirt saw how sharp the leg was by now and he screamed "HELP!" Then Diablo took his claw and cut Wirt's vocal cord in half and continued to sharpen the leg. Wirt made a run for it, well tried to run for it but then Diablo said "here is you leg back boy." And threw it and it drove right into Wirt's back and he fell over. Diablo went over and picked up the stick with Wirt on it and said "ohhh I just love human on a stick." And he started slowly munching out on Wirt's side, Wirt was squirming to get away and Diablo flicked Wirt's head which made his ear fall off. Diablo picked it up and popped it in his mouth and ate it "chewy" he said. Then Diablo said "you will never hear another sound." And then he ripped off the other hear and put Wirt's ear in his own mouth. Wirt spit it out and then Diablo took it and put it back and wired his mouth shut. Diablo still nibbling at Wirt on a stick, he went to hell with Wirt. Wirt still alive was put into a prison made of human bones. Diablo sat there on his chair laughing at Wirt because his own ear was in his moth which was sowed shut. Wirt was in a fetal position in the corner. Then Diablo went to Wirt and yanked out the wooden leg and said "I need this." Even though Wirt can't hear. Diablo was using the leg as a toothpick. Wirt kept staring at him and Diablo was getting pissed and a little hungry. So he went over there and ripped out Wirt's eyes and ate them then Diablo said "now look at me punk" Even though Wirt can't hear. Wirt was flopping around in the cage and wouldn't stop, with no eyes, ears, legs, and mouth wired shut, Wirt was somehow still alive! Wirt finally stopped flopping and Diablo thought he died but he wasn't. Diablo went over there and took what was left of Wirt and magically sealed Wirt's nose and after a little bit Wirt suffocated. Diablo went to bed for the night.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**The Decision **

The next day at Tristram…..

Cain went on a hike and saw the blood where Wirt hangs out, he followed the blood foot prints and it led into the abandoned church, Cain went back to town and told the news to everyone. When Nester heard what happened he said "no need to fear Nester is hear!" Then Cain said "nah you shouldn't go you still need to recover from the battle with that fallen you fought" then nester said "HEY! Chester and Louis, come here." So they came "how would you two like to investigate?" Nester asked, "sure" they both said. Nester called Griswold over to them and said "I want you to equip these guys with your finest items and-""now wait a damn second I run this town I'm the mayor and I tell what goes on, NOT YOU!" Cain interrupted and said. Then Nester said "I challenge you to a duel, old man." Then Cain said "uhh well you see I-I" "you said you were a great all time hero now whoever wins says what goes for the investigation." Then Cain said "fine!" "Go get your gear on" Nester said. So they both got their shit on and went to the place where they were arguing. "Hey dumbass no weapons, we fist fight!" Nester said, "Ok fruitcake." Cain said. So then Griswold was referee he said "first to bleed louses the fight." "Ding Ding Ding" went the bell. So they went at it and they started punching each other they were both giving even hits. While the town was watching Louis was drinking hard liquor. The looks of the fight wasn't good, Nester was getting his ass kicked by and old man. Suddenly Nester started bleeding from the mouth, Cain won! An 87 year old man whooped the ass of a 27 year old man. Nester was out, so Akara dragged Nester to his hut and woke him up. "What happened?" Nester asked "hehe, you lost a match against Cain." "WHAT!" Nester said, Akara then said "you bet Cain you would kick his ass, but you didn't" "but how could I…I just" Cain walks in and says "you did well; I will let you make the decision on how the investigation is done since you tried so hard." "Ok thanks man…oops I mean old man." They all laughed. Louis and Chester were wearing all the gear Griswold gave them. Nester said "good luck you two, go to Akara and get town portals, now be gone!" Then they left. They went to Akara and got their shit and left on their long journey.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**Encounter With Leoric**

"What's in that bag?" Chester asked. Then Louis said "Beer." "What's beer?" Chester asked. "Tasty beverage" Louis said. They approached the first bad guy (a skeleton) "ahhh!" they both yelled then swung the swords they had and the skeleton fell dead. "yeaa!" They both Cheered and went on they encountered a lot of enemy's and killed them. They reached the skeleton lair where king leoric is (kink of skeletons). They eventually kill all of the minions and all that's left is king leoric. "Who dares enter my lair!" King Leoric says Chester and Louis run around like chickens with their heads cut off and leoric stomps on the ground and says "stop!" Chester and Louis both start charging toward king leoric and Chester cut off one of the leoric's legs and Louis cut off the other. King Leoric was on the ground helpless then Chester went by leoric's neck and was about to cut off his head and then leoric picked up Chester and threw him across the lair. When he landed it knocked the wind out of him. Chester though he died but he wasn't dead. Meanwhile Louis had done it himself. "Look out!" Louis said leoric's head was rolling toward Chester. Chester was knocked out. The head crushed Chester between the wall and himself. "noooooo" yelled Louis and started crying. "I'm ok I think" said Chester he had a broken rib. "O great! Now I'm of alone without help." Said Louis "Whoosh!" Louis opened a town portal. Louis dragged Chester to town to get repaired. When they got there Akara was hurt. Louis asked what happened, she said "Diablo, he he raped me" "O shit and ahh Chester has a broken rib can you fix that? Asked Chester. She said she would after she recovered. She recovered and fixed Chester's rib. Akara told them to take the portal to hell because it would be quicker.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**Welcome To Hell**

So they took it and the first sight of hell to them was horrible for them. They both were shaking bad, eventually they stopped and cautiously went on. They met some demons and killed them. They reached Diablo and Chester shit his pants. Louis dropped his bag of beer and he chased after it. He bumped into Diablo. "Who dares enter my territory." Diablo said and he took Louis and Chester and put them in the bone cage. Chester was crying and Louis was reaching for his beer but couldn't get it. Diablo fell asleep. Chester and Louis got so bored they played rock, paper, scissors. "I wish my mom was here" Chester said "yea me too" Louis said they went to sleep.

Meanwhile back in Tristram everyone was having a blast. Cain and Griswold were getting stoned, and Nester and Akara were pleasing themselves at Akara's house, not even wondering about Louis or Chester.

Back in hell Diablo woke up and started drinking beer. When Louis woke up and saw Diablo drinking his beer Louis was pissed "god damn piece of shit that's my beer!" Louis said and he shook a bar off the cage and started running toward Diablo with his sword and Diablo turned around and got his stomach stabbed. He yelled out in pain, then Chester woke up and said "NO Louis Don't, get away from him he will kill you!" then Diablo picked up Louis and Diablo then said "you want a beer? Well here is your last one" and he latterly shoved a whole bottle of beer down Louis' throat. Then Diablo put Louis in a torture box which very slowly closes in, smashes, and cooks whatever was put into it. Chester tried not to look then suddenly a sizzling sound came in affect, Louis was being fried, and Chester started crying loud. Then Diablo took the toasted Louis which looked like hash browns and started eating it. Chester was in a fetal position sucking his thumb. After Diablo was done with his meal he used Wirt's leg as a toothpick. Diablo told Chester to shut the fuck up. Then Chester said "sir, what will you do to me?" Diablo then said "I will let you free from the cage…." "yahoooo!!" Chester cheered "then I'll slaughter you" Diablo said. Chester asked "What is slaughter? Then Diablo said "It means I'm going to rip you to shreds." Chester asked "What does that mean?" Diablo said "Want me to show you?" "Sure why not." Chester said. So then Diablo took Chester and ripped him into many chunks of human.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**Bad News**

Back in Tristram Akara felt something. She knew something bad had happened to Louis and Chester. Then she went to bed. The next day Akara told everyone what she thinks happened. Nester said "Well, looks like I'm going to have to go find what's left of them." "Wait! Good by Nester." Akara said, Nester said "oh calm down you act like I'm going to die I'll be back I promise."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**Nester Vs. Diablo**

Nester went to hell. He seen the bottles of beer Louis had before he left. Then he saw Diablo. He came up from behind Diablo and stabbed him in the back and Diablo yelled in pain and turned around smacked Nester then Nester went flying across the room and damn near landed in a lava pit. Nester was bleeding badly then Diablo went over to Nester and bent his legs backwards. "Ahhh!" Nester screamed. His leg was just hanging by the veins. Diablo said "oops, my bad." Nester was trying to get up with his only leg. He finally gets to his foot and his other leg was hanging there and he was screaming in pain. He managed to make a town portal and he went to town.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

**Tristram Massacre Part: 1**

He talked to Akara and Akara took him to her house and his leg got repaired. Nester forgot to lock the portal and Diablo came into the town and went on a rampage Cain was able to hide but Griswold wasn't so lucky, he was slaughtered. To go into details, Diablo karate chopped Griswold down the middle and then across to make 4 pieces of him Diablo picked up the 4 pieces of Griswold and took them to hell. When Diablo went through the portal it disappeared. Nester got done with fixing his leg; he now has a metal leg. Nester seen Griswold's blood and he knew Diablo had been there because he saw that his portal was gone. He started crying. After he was done crying he told Akara, then Akara, then Akara just laughed. "It's not funny" Nester said. Then Akara said "no I'm pregnant". Nester smiled and asked who the dad was. Akara said "you are and you will train our son to be a great hero like you". They got married and Cain was the priest dude that married them he invited people from Kurask, Pandemonium Fortress, and Harrogoth to be at the wedding. After all that nonsense Nester went to train while he was recovering.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**Unexpected Death**

Nine months later Akara had the baby and Nester was 99 better. Nester went to train more. Ten years have passed and Nester was well trained and the child was ten years old and his name was Lester. Nester began training him; they were killing fallen since they were so easy to take out. Nester said "you see that creature over there? Well watch this." Nester charged towards the fallen, then the fallen just turned around and Nester ran into the fallen's sword, the sword drove into Nesters stomach, the fallen ran away then Lester went over to Nester. Nester said "cough go to town cough and cough tell you mom that cough I love her" Then he died. Lester went to town and told Akara these words "dad loves you" "I know that" she said "and he died" Lester said, Akara said "oh no!...Oh well he was gonna die any ways" "MOM!" he said, "its true" she said, "yea your right Lester said. Lester went to train with the Cain.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

**Lester vs. Griswold**

Fifteen years have passed and Diablo summoned Griswold to kill Lester. Lester was 25 years old and well trained. There had been a lot of people living in the town now, one was crazy and was locked up in a cage at night. Lester took the long way to hell so he can get experience. He reached king Leoric and somehow he was resurrected, maybe Diablo did it. Well anyways Lester managed to kill Leoric with only a few cuts and bruises. He left and he reached the catacombs where there are different enemies. He had a hard time killing them but he got past them. He reached Griswold; Lester asked "are you a bad guy?" Then Griswold smacked Lester so hard it knocked the wind out of him. Lester was gasping for air, and finally got his breath back and he started crying. Griswold kicked Lester, Lester started to cry more then he got up and cut Griswold's head off he cheered then Griswold regenerated another head. Lester got pissed off and started stabbing Griswold over and over and over, Griswold falls over an implodes. Then all of a sudden the ground starts shaking then stops. Nesters ghost comes up from the middle of nowhere. "Dad?" Lester asked "It is I, god of all barbarians, and yes I am you father." The ghost said. Lester said "why, why did you die on me?" Then the ghost of nester said "I didn't die on you it was an accident." "Bullshit!" Lester said "Watch you mouth Lester!" "NO dad, go away fuck you." Then after they got done arguing at each other Nester finally gave him the message he was originally going to tell Lester. The message is when Lester faces Diablo his weakness is you must stab him in the chest. Nester disappears and leaves a scroll behind that helps nester concentrate better. Lester uses it and continues on.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

**Lester Gets an Ally**

Back in town Cain was showing the new people the now. One of the people was a mercenary6 named Enis (He is a hillbilly). Cain thought Enis could help Lester kill Diablo. He thought next visit Lester comes he would have Enis come with Lester. Back in the catacombs Lester was crying for some reason. He finally stops then goes on and reaches the caves where there is Cain's evil clone named pain. There is no explanation how pain was created but all Cain says is that he is his evil clone. Lester went on and found some bad guys they were pretty tough he managed to kill them with only one eye ball left. The monster had eaten his left eye. "You stole my eye!" Lester said. He set a town portal up and went to town. All the people were looking at Lester's bloody eye socket. He went to Akara and Akara gave him a glass eye. Lester went to Cain to see how he was doing. Cain said "How would you like to have some help killing Diablo?" Lester said "Sure, why not." So Cain introduced Enis to Lester.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

**R.I.P. Lester**

Lester and Enis went through the portal. When they got down there they found a big hole with spiral stairs going town it. "Should we go down?" Enis said. "hmmmm I'm not sure because, ahh….what the fuck lets go." So they went down. As they were going down the temperature was getting hot. Down and down they went and eventually they reached hell "I'm hot" Enis said "no shit dumbass!" They went on and on and they saw a big chair. They both run toward the chair and started jumping on it. Then all of a sudden a huge stomp happened, then Enis and Lester both screamed loud and said "ddddddiablo!!" Diablo said "It is I Diablo, the lord of terror standing before your pathetic lives!" Lester said "No please don't kill us!" and Enis and Lester started crying and hugged each other. "Muhahaha!" Diablo laughed as he approached his chair Enis ran but Lester was in a fetal position on the chair. Then Diablo picks up Lester and Lester is squealing like a pig. Then Diablo takes his thumb and index finger and turns Lester's head 180 degrees and then takes each of Lester's legs in each of his hands and then "ripp!" Diablo just ripped Lester in half! Enis was hiding, Diablo gave one half of Lester to his minions that half was ripped to shreds. Diablo ate the other half. A small piece of Lester landed by Enis, Enis could identify the part. Enis picked it up and put it his pocket. He set up a town portal and went to town. He had forgotten to lock the portal.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

**Tristram Massacre Part: 2**

He went to Akara and told the bad news. Akara started crying then all of a sudden people were screaming, Diablo had gotten in the town again. One by one people getting killed, Diablo took a hand full of skull and squished it letting the brains ooze through his fingers, he slashed at people, bashed there heads on rocks, socked of their heads, and ripping them to shreds. 1, 2, 3…82, 83…150 people killed. The population went down tons. Then Diablo went back to hell with a school bus full of little children for sacrifices. He was crucifying most of them. The rest were saved for Diablo's dinner and sacrifices. All the kids were crying and Diablo said "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Then they went silent.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

**Enis Gets Help**

Back in town the remaining survivors were cleaning up the body parts of the victims. There was no use for a funeral because there was no bodies and no use putting the parts together. Back at Akaras place Enis and Akara were talking and they wound up doing it. (Akara is some whore, she must have some STD.) After they were done Enis told her "I can't kill Diablo myself" Akara said "hmmm…well I guess I could get some help for you." So she got three helpers, An Amazon named Mavina, a Paladin named Mike and a Sorceress named Akana. Four people should be able to kill the red beast.

It all started with Wirt's foul mouth, speaking of Wirt, his store was looted by many people. All four fighters went to hell.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

**Four Mortals VS. Diablo**

They arrived in hell and the first thing they saw was the hostages, Mavina said "horrible!" which caught Diablo's attention. Diablo said "four mortals?...Muhahaha!" he summoned his minions by using the sacrifices. They began to fight. Mavina shot a few arrows at the minions and killed them. So Mike attacked some minions and killed a few. Enis attacked a few and killed them leaving few minions. Akana finished off the minions leaving only Diablo. Enis jumped on Diablo and stabbed him in the back. Then Diablo ejected the spikes on his back killing Enis instantly, the spikes went through Enis in many places. Diablo then injected the spikes into his back letting Enis fall to the ground, Diablo kicked the corpse into the lava. "Ahhhh!" Diablo yelled, Mavina shot an arrow in Diablo's eye and Mike cut of one of Diablo's leg. Diablo fell over and squished Mike while he was rolling over and over. Mavina and Akana were watching as Diablo rolls into the lava killing the beast forever. Then the ground started shaking and Mephesto and bail come from the ground and Mephesto said "you may have killed our brother but its not over until you kill us!" Then they went back to the underground. Mavina and Akana went to Mike and seen if he was ok, he was flatter than a fingernail. All of a sudden his flat body twitched once. They both laughed and went to town.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15 **

**Mavina and Akana's New Quest **

All of the people were so glad, they had a party, and people were getting stoned, getting drunk, doing it, fighting, gambling, and more. This doesn't mean its all over, it's only the beginning

The next day so many people were hung over. Mavina and Akana had slept together, when they got up they went to Akara but when they knocked on the door it sounded like Akara was busy doing something. So they went to Cain's house and nobody was there. Then some town's person said he is at Akaras now. So Mavina and Akana went walking around the town seeing all the body chunks and parts all over the place. They went to Akaras house and knocked on the door Akara answered and was half dressed she said "hold on".

5 minutes later…

She opened the door and said "please come in" they sat on the couch and started telling Akara about the battle then Cain comes from the bedroom "hey ladies how's it going?" Cain asked. Mavina said "just telling how the battle went". Cain sat down and listed. Mavina whispered something to Akana and they both started laughing. Cain's pants zipper was down, oops! Cain said as he zipped up his zipper. They told Akara and Cain what happened. Then Cain said you must go to the durance of hate where Mephesto is. Mavina said "who?" Cain then said that it was the white ghostly looking creature they seen after killing Diablo. Mavina asked how to get there and Cain said to go to the sailor and tell him that they needed to be sailed to Kurask a dock, that's the nearest town from durance of hate where Mephesto is. Mavina and Akana left and went to ask the sailor. The first thing the sailor said after Mavina asked he said "ok sure but ahh what will I get in return?" Mavina slapped him and said "shut up you little pervert". Well the sailor took them to Kurask docks.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

**Patrick the Barbarian**

They arrived at Kurast docks then they began to explore the town and some dude says "hey baby" to Mavina and Mavina smacked him on his face and went on. They went to the store and on their way they saw Cain, Mavina Said "what the fuck are you doing here?" Cain said "I am only here to aid you and help you out and I'm not telling how I got here." Then Mavina said "well screw you to" then Cain said "HEY!" Mavina and Akana both laughed and went on the store. When they got there they bought their new shit to use. It was much better than the junk they had before. After they were done they went to their tent and rested for the night. When they got up they talked about what they would be doing today. They decided to get advice from Cain. Cain said "you must go to Travincal where the council members are. You must kill all of them to be able to enter the durance of hate." So they started heading for Travincal they came across some weird creatures and killed them. As their quest continued they came found a barbarian fighting enemies and Mavina said "hey you" The barbarian said "huh oh hi what brings you two out here?" Mavina said "we are trying to find Travincal so we can kill the council members so we can get to Mephesto and kill him, what is your name?" "My name" said the barbarian. "Yes your name" Mavina said. The barbarian said "my name is Patrick" Mavina asked for his help and he agreed to help them. Patrick said "um Mavina… would you like to"-"NO I DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU!" Mavina said. Patrick said "you didn't let me finish what I wanted to ask you." Mavina said "fine finish the question." Patrick then asked Mavina if she wanted to have sex with him then Mavina said no and they went on with their quest fighting and killing everything in their path to Travincal. Patrick was being a big show off. Akana said "you know that guy is kind of cute, ask him if he is single. Mavina said "hey Patrick are you single?" And Patrick replied "heck ya!" Mavina said "ok my friend Akana just wanted to know because she likes you." After she said the Patrick wasn't smiling no more and just said "oh." They went on and all of a sudden Mavina was alone, Akana and Patrick were gone. Mavina Backtracked to find them, there were some strange noises all of a sudden and it was coming from the deeper part of the forest. Mavina went to check it out and she was hiding behind a bush and saw Patrick and Akana tied up and little creatures called fetish were doing some ceremony thing using Patrick and Akana as a sacrifice. Mavina shot multiple arrows and killed about half of the fetish the shot another multi shot and killed the rest of them. Then Mavina cut down Akara and Patrick. Mavina said "I thought you took Patrick and raped him in the woods." So they went on their way and Patrick saw a cheese burger with a rope around it. Patrick started running for it then Mavina said "no you idiot stop!" The rope picked up Patrick and he was hanging from a tree from his feet. Mavina laughed and mound him and said "you want this, well come and get it." Patrick was squirming to get away. Then Mavina and Akana just left him there. As they went on about 10 minutes later they heard someone scream out in horror and pain, it sounded like Patrick, and then they saw Mephesto carrying Patrick as he was flying through the air. Then Mavina said "well I guess we won't be seeing Patrick no more." Then she laughed and went on with their quest.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

**Khalims Flail**

They arrived at Travincal where the council members are. There were about eight of them. They started fighting them; Mavina shot a multi arrow and killed only one. Akana did a Meteor on the members killing two of the fuckers. Eventually they get all the way down to one member left, which is the hardest one. The member smacks Mavina causing her to fly and hit a wall. Akana finished off the member. Akana picked u p Khalims flail and set up a town portal and went to town wondering what this strange flail could be.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

**Diablo Is Back For More**

Down in the durance of hate Mephesto was using Patrick as a sacrifice to summon Diablo back to life! Patrick was put onto a pentagram and Mephesto was saying the chants to bring Diablo back to life. Mephesto began chanting "wah toh hey let the lord of terror rise as soon as this mortal cries." He kept repeating it over and over, till Patrick started crying, then the pentagram started glowing and Diablo started ripping out from Patrick's stomach and then Diablo was resurrected. Diablo stepped off the pentagram and it disappeared, Patrick exploded into nothing but blood. Mephesto said "welcome back brother." Then Diablo said "man im hungry." So he summoned some minions and ate them.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

**Cain gets murdered**

Back in town Akana and Mavina were looking for Cain but couldn't find him. They asked someone but they said he went to Akaras house in Tristram. So they went to the sailor and asked if he would sail them to Tristram he said "ok but can we-""NO I do not want to have sex with you, just take us to Tristram" Mavina said. "Ok sorry" the sailor said. So he sailed them to Tristram. When they got there they went straight to Akara, knocked on the door, Akara answered and said "what are you two doing?" Mavina said "we need to talk to Cain" Akara said "he is at Nesters old house." So they went there and Cain was sleeping, they woke him up and showed him the flail. He said "oooh I need that to finish my recipe" Mavina said "what will you give me for it?" Cain then said "tips for killing Mephesto?" Mavina said "Nah what else" Cain said "umm how about I identify items at no charge." "Yea sure what ever." Mavina said. She gave him the flail. Cain then said "YES! Let's fuck to celebrate." Mavina then shot an arrow in Cain's eye then another in his heart while she said "No I don't want to fuck!" Then Cain fell over dead. Mavina and Akana went to Akaras and told her he was dead saying they didn't know how he was killed. There was a funeral for Cain, Mavina and Akana ditched it.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

**So long sailor**

They went to the sailor and told him to take them to Kurask docks the sailor said "ok but" – "no I will not have sex with you" Mavina interrupted, the sailor said "ok". They left on the long boat ride and about half way the sailor asked Mavina "how come I can't score with you?" Mavina then whispered that she will be right back. She went over to the sailor and said "you want me? Follow me and I will give you some big boy" Mavina took him to the end of the ship and said "but first can you please get my ring its hanging on the side of the ship. The sailor started looking over the boat and couldn't see anything then Mavina shoved his ass into the ocean and said "get away!" The she mound him and said "ok come and get it." Mavina went to the control of the ship and took control of it, leaving the sailor trying to swim for his life after the ship. When they arrived at Kurask docks they told someone what happened. The person said "oh that dude was and idiot." Mavina and Akana went to bed for the night.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

**R.I.P. Mephesto and R.I.P Mavina**

The Next Day…

Akana woke up and woke Mavina up. Mavina said "damn last night…was great I liked it." Akana said "yea me too you're not bad for a first timer." Mavina said thanks and shit like that, they got dressed and had some breakfast…Mavina's last. After they were done they headed for Mephesto's lair. Meanwhile back in the ocean the sailor was still swimming for his life hoping he would make it to land but land was miles away, then a huge whale swallowed him whole. Now the sailor lives in a stomach of a whale.

Akana and Mavina make it to the durance of hate where Mephesto is they must go down three levels before they find Mephesto. They kill their way to the place and killed the blood lords and council members that were "trying" to protect Mephesto. They finally make it to Mephesto and they started fighting Mephesto Mavina shot an arrow and went through his head just missing his brain, Mephesto froze and turned his head towards Mavina and jus stared at her Mephesto started huffing and puffing fast and he then picked up Mavina and she was so scared she couldn't even move. Then Mephesto pulled Mavina's leg and dislocated it. Then Mephesto slammed her down on the hard ground and she was bent over crawling away and Mephesto went up behind her and "Rip!" Ripped her a new one Akana tried to pull Mephesto away but he kept pushing her away. Mavina couldn't take the pain Mephesto was fucking her to death. Akana summoned meteors to attack Mephesto and did some bad ass damage. Mephesto charged toward her then she did a freeze bold which froze Mephesto solid then she took a maul that was lying on the ground and smacked the frozen Mephesto and he shattered into bloody pieces of ice he kicked all the pieces into the lava near by. After Akana was done she went over to Mavina and seen if she was ok. Mavina had a hole the size of a whole CD-Rom around through her ass and out her stomach. Basically you could see a hole right through her. Akana picked up Mavina and threw her into the lava so no minions of Diablo or Baal go to her and started eating her out.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

**Going back to Tristram**

Akana went to town and Cain was there waiting for her and he congratulated her but he told her that there was some very very bad news, and he told her about how Diablo was resurrected and Tristram was taken out by Diablo and Baal. The decided to go to Tristram to find any survivors, if any.

She took control of the boat and about half way she realizes that Cain was alive, "what the fuck" "what's wrong Akana?" "Your alive, Mavina killed you" Cain told her that the blacksmith had resurrected him. Akana then said "now I have to put up with you old ancient ass." Then Cain said "yea hey listen do you" – "No I don't" and Akana backhanded him across the face. Cain said "ouch!" and he punched Akana, Akana punched Cain back in the chest knocking the wind out of him, Cain was lying on the ground gasping for air and Akana took control of the boat. When Cain regained his breath he went up behind Akana as smacked her ass, she turned around and froze him in a cube and slid the cube over to the left side of the boat and she continued to drive the ship.

Meanwhile back in the stomach where the sailor was, he was trying to squeeze through a little gap in the whales teeth he kept squirming and all of a sudden the whale's teeth shifted slicing the sailor in half.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

**What a mess**

They made it to Tristram or what was left of it. She unfroze Cain and she said "help me look for survivors." So they did, there were body parts everywhere, bodies hanging, poles were stuck through bodies, wits peg-leg shelter was bashed over someone's head, skulls were bashed over rocks, chunks of gore were every where you looked people nailed to houses, piles and piles of heads, people were on fire, then all of a sudden Akana heard some noise, she checked it out and it was some little old lady. Akana asked if she was ok and the old woman was in shock and she died right there of a heart attack. Akana kept looking around and she found her trainers head then she stated crying. She kept looking then she found Akara alive! Akara was sleeping, Akana woke her up and Akara started screaming swinging her arms around Akana told her "calm down its me, Akana." Akara settled down and Akana said "let's go get Cain and go on the ship." They found Cain carrying a sack picking up stuff and putting it in the bag. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!" yelled Akana, then Cain said "oh nothing." Akana said meet me and Akara at the ship after you're done." Cain said Akara is alive?" Akana said nothing and went to the ship and waited for the very old man.

About three hours later Akana went to look for Cain and when she found Cain he was lying on the ground breathing hard, Akana said "you need help with that bag? Old man." The bag of his crap was huge. So she carried the bag of junk and Cain to the ship. They went to the ship and Akara calmed down enough to tell that Diablo was back. They were all shocked and they decided to go to hell and kill Diablo. So they took the long way (big mistake).


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

**Cain vs. Pain**

They started on the trail to hell and for some reasons there were no enemies so the just stood there for about 5 minutes wondering why there were no enemies, the all of a sudden they head Baal's laugh and then it stopped. Cain had shit his pants and they continued on the trail of blood and bodies and it led to a chamber with Diablo and Baal in it. Cain kept making excuses about going back to what's left of Tristram. They went into the chamber and there was Baal standing before their lives, Baal then summoned pain (Cain's evil clone.) Cain said "let me handle this bitch", so Akara and Akana went to what was left of Tristram. Pain said "lets go old man" "you aren't a day older or younger than me bitch." Cain said. Pain said "bitch eh? I'll show you who the bitch is" and then he socked off Cain's bottom jaw and it flew off. Cain started coughing up blood and then he picked up some sand and threw it at pain. Pain laughed at him and pushed Cain on his ass. Cain started to twitch and then Pain pulled out a clever and started skinning Cain alive. After awhile Cain then died.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

**Truth revealed**

Three days has passed, Akana and Akara got bored of waiting so they went to the portal and a hand that has been skinned from the fingertips to shoulder was sticking out of the portal. Akana and Akara pulled the body our and it was Cain. His eyes were out of his sockets and had been crushed by some hammer like weapon, his fingernails were ripped out one by one, his veins were sticking out 100 and they had been skinned too, and then tied together after they had been cut in half. Akara said "damn, he went through a tough torture." Akana said "oh well lets go." Akara said "you're mean!" Then Akana said "yes, yes I am." As she turned into a big beast, Akara screamed, the beast said "you fools; I can't believe you trusted me and I the queen of sluts Andariel. Will take revenge on all you for making me kill Mephesto." Akara ran away to the ship and took off, the beast just stood there smiling an it gave Akara the finger. Akara then said "Nobody flips me off like that and lives, you will pay Andariel!" She went to the pandemonium fortress to rest.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

**Welcome back to life Nester and Wirt**

Akara knew she couldn't fight Andariel herself because she knew she wasn't a fighter, so she decided to resurrect Nester and Wirt. Nester to fight and Wirt for bait was her idea. They rose and Akara welcomed them back especially Nester which they did something in the bed right away. Wirt was cautious and speechless. After Nester and Akara were done they talked about what had happened lately Wirt asked "is that mean man dead?" Akara said "nope, he was killed but brought back to life" Wirt said "oh no!" And then he cried. Akara said "its alright we will kill him." Akara and nester adopted Wirt. Nester asked why his name was Wirt. Wirt basically said that back then when he went to school his real name was Philip and they called him white squirt because he was white and small so everyone decide, including his mom, decide to call him Wirt ever since that day. Akara said "yea cool hey listen we got to kill Diablo before he dose anymore destruction, so we have to go back to Tristram, and Wirt your going to fight weather you like it or not!"


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

**Welcome to the new Tristram boys**

They went to Tristram and Nester said "damn what the fuck happened here?" Akara said "Diablo did this. Then all of a sudden a fallen was walking through town and Nester ran and hid behind a pile of body parts and he kept watching that fallen and wouldn't take an eye off it. The fallen was scrounging for something. He worked his way to the pile of bodies where nester was, Nester moved to another pile. Nester was so scared he shit his pants. Akara and Wirt were just standing there looking at Nester as if he were on drugs. Nester was being serious about it, the fallen found a piece of rusted metal he took it and left town. Nester went over to Akara and Wirt and he said "That was NOT funny." Wirt said "yea it was your scared of a little fallen." The Nester socked Wirt and he fell to the ground. Wirt said "bitch!" Then Nester picked up Wirt by the neck and said "listen boy, I am now your father and you will not ever call me bad names!" Then he threw Wirt on the ground and Wirt hit the ground hard Wirt twitched once and Akara took him to the ship and nester followed, she laid Wirt down on his bed. Nester and Akara talked about what they would be doing tomorrow, they decided to kill Diablo so then they went to bed… well not to bed they went to their bed and well 5 minutes later the boat was rocking.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

**Wirt's worst nightmare**

They had done it all night long. In the morning they decided to take the day off and rest all day, Wirt was equipped and he was told to look in town for any good weapons that they could use and any survivors. So Wirt went to look for good weapons and survivors he was told to stay in the town only and not to go any where but the ship and Tristram. Wirt found a couple of nice Items and laid them by the ship. He lifted up some big piece of plywood and Wirt's best friend and also best customer was under it dead. Wirt started crying and all of a sudden his friend's stomach tore open and out came Diablo and Wirt went into shock and then Diablo picked up his ass and took him to hell with him. When Diablo got to hell he took Wirt and threw his ass into the bone cage. When Wirt woke up he was somewhat confused then he realized he was back in the same cage he was flopping around in, before when he was alive "legit." He started crying then Diablo said "you little bitch I killed your ass and I must now finish you off forever, ill rip you to shreds, or maybe ill torture slowly, it all depends on how you cooperate." Wirt said "don't call me a bitch you... you… you… nincompoop." Diablo said "name calling eh?" Then Diablo went over to the cage "I will show you what exactly what I mean, here is a little sample rite now." Then Diablo picked up Wirt and Diablo drove his finger right into Wirt's left eye then Diablo scraped some of Wirt's brain and when Diablo pulled his nail out there was pieces of brain on it, he threw Wirt on the ground and pointed to the cage and Wirt crawled into the cage, Diablo shut the cage door and went to his chair.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

**A New Friend**

Back at the ship Akara woke up and yelled for Wirt, there was no answer. Nester woke up and they went to look for the boy but he was no place to be found. Then Nester yelled for Akara to come where he was and he said "look" as he lifted a board and Wirt's sack of sunflower seeds were lying there and a little to the right was a dead fallen, Nester said "oh shit!" and went running to the boat. Akara said "come here you Idiot! It's dead." Then Nester slowly approached the fallen. Akara said "now look, see its dead." Then Nester slowly moved his hand to touch the fallen to make sure he was dead, and then Akara made the fallen twitch as she screamed "bla!" Then she laughed as Nester went sprinting toward the boat. Then the fallen really came to life, he was playing possum and then he grabbed Akara and wouldn't let go then Nester ran around in circles screaming. Then all of a sudden a bolt of lightning shocked the fallen and killed the fallen. Then a person named Tyereal came to Akara and asked if he was alright. She was ok and Tyreal introduced himself to Akara, Nester was hiding behind a bush crying in a fetal position. Akara said "hey Nester come here you big coward I want you to meet someone." Then Nester came out cautiously without taking an eye off of Tyreal, he even tripped over some stuff. When Nester got over to Tyreal and Akara he stood by Akara and stared at Tyreal. Tyreal just said "don't fear me I am on the good side don't fear me weakling." Then nester said "oohhh I will show you the weakling." Then he charged toward Tyreal with his sword. Tyreal just picked up Nester and said "whoa slow down little buddy." Then Akara giggled. Tyreal took nesters sword and put it into his pocket and he put nester down. Nester went over to Akara and hid behind her Akara said "you big wimp stop that."


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

**Tyreal joins the force**

3 Days Later…

Nester finally trusts Tyreal, Nester and Akara asked Tyreal if he would help out and Tyreal said "I'm afraid I can't because um…well…uh…um…I…I….I am not built to fight." Nester said "nah you're just lazy I can tell because you're fat." Tyreal said "Hey! I'm not fat, I'm buff." Nester laughed and said "That's a good one where did you learn that one." Tyreal said "I didn't learn it from anywhere and I bet you're fatter than hell." Then he tore off Nesters shirt and Nester was fat. Nester went to hide his fatness. He went to his old hut to put a shirt on but none would fit. He said to himself "fuck it!" And he went out to where Akara was Akara Said "DAMN! Your fatter than I thought." Nester said "can you give me my shirt back now?" So he got his shirt back and he put it on. Nester said "I hate you!" In a whiney voice. So Akara asked him if he could help find Wirt. Tyreal said "I guess." So they kept looking around. It got a little late and Nester said "ahh I'm going to bed, you guys just look, and Akara, ill be waiting for you." Then Nester went to bed for the night in his old hut. Tyereal and Akara kept looking for like three hours. Akara said "come to the boat I want to show you something." So they went to the boat.

5 Minutes later…

The boat was rocking back and forth and strange noises came from the boat. Nester was awoken and he knew what was going on in the boat. He went to try to open the door to the bedroom but it was locked, he started beating on the door and said "Akara! Get your ass out here now!" Then he heard Akara whisper "oh shit, go hide in the closet." Then Akara opened up the door and Nester said "what's going on!" Akara said well uhh…you…see…I…I was listening to music, yea I was listening to music." Nester said "why are you breathing hard then?" Then the closet door shook. Then Nester went over there and opened up the door and nothing was there, Akara was confused and Nester said "who was in here!" Akara said "Nobody" then Nester said "where did that Tyreal dude go?" Akara said "Well…you…I…I…he went to…uhh home" Nester said so he went TO home?" Akara said "I…I mean he went home." Nester said "I know what you were doing, I don't know with what or with who but if I ever catch you doing it again I will fucking leave you." They eventually went to bed. Akara just lied there all night wondering where Tyreal might be. She finally fell asleep.


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**

**Diablo's New Servant**

Akara was awoken by a burning smell. She followed the smell and it led to the kitchen where Nester was "trying" to cook. Akara took over and the breakfast was over done. So they ate their crunchy breakfast and they decided to finally find and kill Diablo.

Back in hell Diablo fell asleep and Wirt was picking the lock with a little bone that he found on the ground. Wirt had opened the cage and he picked up a small dagger that was lying on the ground. He went and with all his force he stabbed Diablo. The dagger didn't even go in. He kept doing it until well… Diablo woke up. Wirt dropped the dagger and he was motionless Diablo said "you little piece of shit what the fuck are you doing douche bag?" Diablo figured out what Wirt was doing. Wirt said "no, its…it's not what you think…I swear, please, please give me life and I will be your servant." Diablo said "hmm, I do need a slave but I also need a sacrifice." Wirt was on his hands and knees begging "Pease I'll do anything, I'll give my soul to you, just please spare my life." Diablo said "life? Pffthahaha!" Wirt said "if you kill me at least make it fast and unpainful" Diablo said "I have made my decision, and I'm going to spare ye worthless no good life." Wirt said "oh thank you thank you sir how can I repay you, If I was…""ENOUGH!!' Screamed Diablo. And then Diablo said "you are now my slave and don't ever call me sir!" Wirt said "well what should I address you as?" Diablo said "you better call me lord for now on." Wirt said "yes lord"

Akara and Nester were getting ready to fight Diablo. They get their shit on and went on their quest to kill Diablo they had an optional quest which was to find Wirt. Akara said "just forget that kid I never liked him anyways" Nester said "yea me to lets forget about him." They continued and they cam across some fallen Nester froze, the fallen didn't even know there were around, Nester hid behind a bush, Akara said "come on you big panzi" Nester said "no way!" Akara took the fallen alone and the fallen were holding her down. She said "Nester help me you fat tub of lard!" Nester sat there watching in fear not knowing what to do. Nester began to have suicidal thoughts and then he remembered what his dad said, which was never fear your fear, just face the fear. So he whipped out his sword and charged toward the fallen and started slashing them one by one killing then one by one till there was one left, Nester said "surrender now little fallen or die." The fallen gave Nester a double bird and ran for it, Nester charged after the fallen and he managed to finish off the fallen. Then he heard Akara scream. He reached Akara and Akana was there choking Akara.


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

**Nester Vs Andariel**

Nester said get off her slut then the beast turned her head toward Nester and it revealed the face of Andariel, The queen of sluts. Nester couldn't believe his eyes and Andariel decked Nester across the head. Nester said "ohh you little bitch!" Andariel said "little? Look at you, short and fat." Nester said "aww hell nah, NOBODY CALLES ME FAT AND LIVES." Nester charged toward Andariel and the fight had begun, Nester swings his sword hits Andariel in the waste. She said "never hit a woman." Nester then said "your not a woman you a pathetic slut." Andariel said "excuse me, did I hear you right because I know I didn't." "You did" Nester said. Andariel shoots off a poison nova. Nester starts gagging. Andariel laughs, Nester with all his might stabs Andariel starts coughing up guts and says "IM NOT GOING ALONE!" Then she grabs Akara and slits her throat. Then Akara And Andariel both Die. Nester falls to his Knees and cry "noooo!" Then tries to see if Akara is alive but he wasn't then he started crying his eyes out. Then all of a sudden Tyreal shows up and says "face it your wife is dead, you have to move on." Nester stops crying and says will I ever get to see her again?" Tyreal says "only if you resurrect her, and the only way to do this is to kill Diablo and use his should stone. Nester asks "what do you mean by that?" Tyreal says "one life of a good may be resurrected by the soul of an evil one." Nester said "so basically if I kill that big red thing and take his soul stone then I can bring Akara Back?" Tyreal said "yeah" Nester said "ok, fine with me so what do we do with Akara until then?" Tyreal said "ahh the corpse well lets just stuff it on the boat." Nester begins to cry and says "so that's what you think of my wife? A corpse!" Tyreal says "ok calm down I'm sorry." So they get the body on the boat and they set off to kill Diablo.


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33**

**Jesus' Dream Come True**

Akara's spirit was slowly floating to heaven to see if she was allowed to stay there. Her spirit flew past airplanes and highly polluted clouds where many Mexican blacksmiths dirtied up when they went skydiving. The trip to heaven was a long ride for Akara but she made it. When she got to the gates of heaven a ghostly figure said "halt!" Akara said "Tyreal?" The guard said "What's your name ma'am?" "Akara" she said. The guard looked at a list of names and says "Akara, Akara, ahh here it is, ahh wait a minute you AIDS weren't scheduled to kill you till next earth year?" "I was murdered by an evil person named Akana." The guard told her that she was barley allowed in heaven, she got in. Akara walked around and introduced herself and most people just said "oh AI heard about you before, you'll fuck anything or anyone on planet earth." Then Akara introduced herself to Jesus, they went on for about three hours talking about war to weather, to games. Then Jesus said "so I heard that you dynamite in bed, is that true?" Akara said "well, heh…heh, that's true but would you like to see for yourself?" Jesus said "well sure but actually to tell you the truth I have never done it before." Akara said "ha! And how old are you?" Jesus said "uhh well honestly to old to remember." Akara said "c'mon Ill show you, you'll do fine." They went to a secrete place and 10 minutes later Jesus was finely chopping Akara. They go on for about 3 hours and Jesus finishes up squealing and god walks in "Oh Myself!." Said god, Jesus was finishing up when god walked in and Jesus then said "oh no! Its not what it looks like." God said "Jesus! Where the heck did you find a nice piece of ass like this?" Jesus thought he was busted at first but actually he was helpful for once. Jesus says "I don't know" Then god shuts the door and asks Akara "May I?" Akara said "sure just hop right on, there is enough to go around." Jesus sat and ate popcorn as he watched god chop Akara. Awhile later god and Jesus thanked Akara and went about there business.


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34**

**Tyreal's and Nester New allies**

Nester and Tyreal decided top go the long way they followed the path and Tyreal said "hey nester, see that fallen over there? Well watch this." "No Tyreal don't!" "What now nester?" Tyreal said. "Don't kill him I died once that way." Nester said. Tyreal said "don't tell me what to do you fat pile of white trash." Nester started doing that "what bitch" thing that most Mexicans do. Tyreal said "get away, your embarrassing yourself" They started getting pushy then they got into a fist fight. A whole load of fallen, about 50 made a circle around Nester and Tyreal and started chanting "fight! Fight!" Nester popped Tyreal across the jaw then Tyreal gave nester a bloody lip, then nester gave Tyreal a black eye, then Tyreal gave nester a chipped tooth. The fight went on till either one had energy. Then the shaman priest healed them both, the rockanishu said "we no harm, we set off to kill Diablo." Nester said "why?" rockanishu said "Diablo, he use fallen as sacrifice, we no like." Nester said "so what do you want me to do about it?" Rocanishu says "us want to know if we join forces." Nester and Tyreal talked about it and Nester says "sure but you lead the way" Rocanishu says "fallen lead the way, good plan" The 50 fallen ally up with Tyreal and Nester and head for Diablo.


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter 35**

**Wirt's Song**

Back in hell…

"Get me a damn glass of water, no more or no less than three ice cubes and make it fast!" Diablo said. Wirt got his water "here you go lord." Said Wirt "ahh this is great, my own slave to do what I want with" Diablo said. "That's right lord, is there anything else you need right now?" Said Wirt, Diablo said "yea sing me a song." Wirt began singing:

Ima white boy nigga as you can see

Even though my right leg starts with a P

I'm Diablo's slave so I must behave

But if I don't I'll be put in my grave

I used to be bad

When nester was my dad

But now I'm good

And my right leg is made of wood.

My old momma Akara, she was a slut,

Every time I went around her it smelled like butt

So now Diablo owns me as you can see,

So when he tells me something to do I do

Unlike you Biach!

Diablo applauses and says "very good lyrics my boy but the rhythm kind of sucked ass but oh well." Wirt said "thank you lord." Diablo said "you know what Wirt? How would you like to fight for me?" "Anything for my lord" "I would give you powers but you do realize I have mine and Baal's powers to stop you if you ever try to betray us." "Baal who is that" "he is one of my older brothers." "One of?" "Yea the other is Mephesto but he is dead for now." "For now? Are you going to bring him back to life?" Diablo said "yep." They go on for awhile talking, Wirt kept asking questions, and one of them was if he could have a real leg in the future. That would be a reward for Wirt's good effort.


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36**

**Making A Deal**

Nester, Tyreal and the 50 fallen killed every zombie, brute, fetish, and any other monster in their path, they reach some traveler camp in the woods. The dude at the entrance told nester that his fallen had to wait on the outside. Then he said "greetings travelers." Nester said "your travelers to so I wouldn't be talking." The dude said "well yea but when you travel you're travelers and it looks like you're traveling so therefore you're a traveler." Nester said "Listen punk I'm on a fucking quest to save my god damn wife I'm not traveling I'm jus"-"Alright Cut the crap you two" Tyreal says. Nester says "fine we need some gear for me my friend and 50 of our helpers. "They enter the camp and began talking the seller said "well, the only thing that I can make you guys is a set that contains a breast plate, steel sword, and a steel helm, for each of you." Nester said "hmm ok and how much will that be?" The seller said "ok well lets see here each set is 15K times it by 52 and the total will be 78K plus a mandatory tip minimum of 1K per person so your final amount will be only 130K." Nester said "Holy mother fucking shit you make Wirt's sales price look good!" "Sorry sir that our best deal we have. Nester said "deal? Ha, hahahaha." The dude asked nester if he would agree and they just kept auguring. Nester said "listen asshole, if you don't give me a better deal I'm going to take my foot and shove it so fucking far up you ass its"-"ok nester stop, I have and idea, lets have ourselves a good ole drinking contest, if we win you make us the gear at no cost, if we lose then you keep nester as a personal slave." Nester begins blabbering his mouth faster than a Mexican chick on Friday night at the mall.


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter 37**

**Chug! Chug! Chug!**

The three go on for awhile discussing the deal and it came to if Nester won they would get the gear, and if the dude won nothing happens because he was so confident that he would win. They held the contest out of the camp. The judge said "rules are simple, drink, you pass out you lose, you puke you lose, you fall over you lose, now get ready, Begin!" The dude and Nester start drinking as 50 fallen, Tyreal, and a whole load of men chanted "Chug! Chug! Chug!" There was a problem though, the game was rigged, the dude was just drinking apple juice while Nester was drinking beer. About three hours passed (DAMN!) and nester couldn't take much longer and he puked. The other dude was jumping around cheering, clearly showing no sign of being drunk. The judge checked the contents of the keg and sure enough it was apple juice. The judge said "attention there is a change of winners due to disqualification." He began explaining why. People started booing and throwing stuff at the dude.


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter 38**

**Akara Will Not Stop!**

Meanwhile in heaven Akara was busy making some private deals and soon all of her customers became sick of her existence, they all explained to god and Jesus about it and god somewhat agreed. He went to Akara and explained "Akara, thing's are different up here than on earth, you can't just go around making Jesus bucks by selling you pussy. Things have to change; if it happens one more time I have no other choice other than to send you to hell and you pouch will not save you from that." Akara said "yea ok but god do you want to discuss this in a more private environment?" God said "Akara I mean it stop or I will send you to hell." Akara said "yea yea ok I swear to you that I will never score in heaven." God goes about his business and 2 hours later "Bam, Bam, Bam!" Someone was mounting Akara. God heard about it later on and straight to heaven court Akara went.


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter 39**

**Wirt's Training Begins**

Back In hell Diablo told Wirt that he sensed something; he sensed that soon a very famous person was coming to hell with them. Diablo began to trust Wirt and Wirt no longer needed a cage. Wirt's training was beginning. Diablo asked one of the most important questions. "Do you know what mercy is?" Wirt said "yes lord." Diablo said "you go lots of work my boy, when your training is complete you wont know the meaning of mercy Muhahahahahahaha." Wirt began laughing "huhuhuhehehehahaha." Diablo said "We need to work on that laugh bud."


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter 40**

**Temporally Stupid**

Back in the traveler camp the dude was put on an execution for breaking the 4th most important law in their religion (cheating in a contest). While Nester was getting checked up by the towns doctor, the news was bad, he said "I'm sorry Tyreal but due to the amount of alcohol you friend consumed he is temporally mental in the head. Tyreal said "for how long? "3 days" the doctor said.


End file.
